Heavy heart ♥

So lately Iv been experiencing some ugly feelings that are a little bit hard to shake off. You see I believe in spirituality things. And well my family are going to be experiencing such a wonder thing this week. My parents are getting sealed in the house of the Lord, at the Hamilton Temple,NZ.

So because of this my family are getting some awesome blessings. But because im not active in the church i feel like iv been getting hit pretty hard, especially because im the baby of the family.

The adversary knows that Im feeling weak that he is putting doubt in my mind and making me feel worthless in my family. I have even been thinking about not going home to my family because I just waned to not care. And sometimes iv felt they would be better off. iv been feeling really heavy because I cant be with them. And I thought id never be able to. Iv even felt pressured to hurry up because i felt as though they imploede that it was my only chance and or even like they are better than me. I even started to feel a bit of hatred. It was really bad. I would cry thinking I was alone. 

But because of the love of my nieces for me and my parents and some other family members I have realized that these are not true. And I understand that they do love me, they just all show it differently. But without their encouragement i dont know what I would have done.

I now know that in my own time when I am ready to return to the gospel that I can get sealed to my family. And that they love me regardless. when I found out that I could be sealed later it felt like that heaviness was lifted.

No one is perfect and I know for sure my family aint perfect. But i know my love for Heavenly Father and our Saviour is true. And never once I have doubted it, never once have I said a bad thing about it. I may not attend church or partake of the sacrament but my heart will always be with the gospel. 

One day I will be back in full force. Maybe not today but I will be. Its such a hard thing to go back into the fold because of the guilt and shame. But I do know that it is a good thing to be amongst people who have the same values and teachings.

But I am looking forward to having my family here and to see my parents happy. My dad has been waiting 40years to be sealed to my mum and im soo happy he finally gets his dream that he has been working hard for. 

I dont want pitty from this post but I just wanted to air it out so that I can get it off my chest. So I can deal with, so I can overcome it. I want my family to know that it is actually hard for me to watch them have that quality time with my parents but I know that my bond with them is strong and my dad said he will not cross into the eternities without me. 

That is all. I shall post how it goes. 

Peace & Love 

Future Roadie ♥

So, as an aunty with no children of my own yet, I really do look to my nieces and nephews for that comforting feeling that a mother has without the mother bond. So each time I go home to our homestead most of the time either one or all my nieces and nephews come to stay by me. Or they come to have holidays with me. I love spending time with them and getting to know them, They tell me everything that is happening in their lives aswell!! . So I decided why not do a road trip around New Zealand with them, so I came up with a list of places to go and see and experience the road like how we use to as kids, all piled up in our cars with my aunties and uncles and all my cousins going around to family events all over New Zealand. I have planned to do this trip before my niece leaves for her Mission. So in the next 2 years at least.

New Zealand is actually a BEAUTIFUL country. Green grass for miles, snow of hill tops and sunny beaches along the coast.

So on the itinerary in no particular order:
From : HERE!! <---

 Drink a L&P in Paeroa @

the big: L&P Bottle - Paeroa

 <---Eat fruit here! 

Big Fruit - Cromwell

Big Salmond -Rakaia

Look for Salmond and eat one here!!

<----

 take a pic with a real sheep aswell

Big Sheep/Sheepdog - Tirau

 <---Eat Trout here

Big Trout - Gore

<-- see a real Kiwi

Big Kiwi's - Otorohanga

<-- Ride a biker here!! 

Big Bike - Taupo

 <-- Pick a Kiwi Fruit there

Big Kiwifruit  Te Puke

 Through a Gumboot here!

Big Gumboot - Taihape

!

Big Carrot - Ohakune

dunno about here? maybe get bitten by one hahah

Big Sandfly - Pukekura

ohh eat yummy Paua here!

Big Paua - Riverton

Eat a donut there ----> (if its still there?) 

Big Doughnut - Springfield

 <-- Eat an apple and go see the glowworms in Waitomo

Big Apple - Waitomo

<--- Eat crayfish there!!Big Crayfish - Kaikoura




So those are just some of the places to see, and experience, and we will take photos as proof. One thing I know for sure about my family is that we almost document EVERYTHING through photos !! Such a VAIN lot we are!! I am looking forward to doing this and hope that all my nieces can come, and if the nephews wanna come to!!

While we are doing our rounds I want to take them to family sites around the place, like Mt Ruapehu because my mum comes from that part of NZ and will be good for them to know. Even do wayyy up North to Te Reinga then all the way done to Bluff. Man I think I better start saving for this sounds expensive hehe. Well its the price to pay I guess.

That is all for now . Peace & Love x

Pay it Forward #3

I dont know if I was paying it forward but I felt like they were paying it forward to me, which is kind of similar. So yesterday I spent the morning with my Sweet's aunty and uncle. They are pretty much like his second mum & dad. So they too me and we went to the Pirongia Markets. It was pretty cool. It was rainy and windy and the sun only came out a couple of times. Anyway they treated me like one of their own, it was soo awesome to just spend some quality time with them and get to know them a bit better. It would have been good if my sweets mum had come to but shes a little bit unwell atm. So this week i felt like i had been paid forward.

Also i helped a friend in need who was going through some trouble but thats what friends are for. One day ill write a post about the goodness i get from my friends.

Peace & Love x

Just a little about me

Name: Johanna Lloyd

Age: 26years old

Nationality: Maori

From: New Zealand

Relationship Status: In a Relationship

1. I love my family

2. especially my neices and nephews 

3. my favorite colour is green

4. i like all colours actually

5. I LOVE to dance 

6. even in my sleep

7. my favourite number is 7 

8. i like music that the bass pumps through my body

9. i eat too many lollies 

10. my best friends are of the male gender 

11. most girls annoy me

12. unless you are already my friend

13. I work in a pub

14. i really like my job

15. I have a Bachelor of Arts double major in Te Reo Maori & Tikanga Maori from The University of Waikato.

16. I use to own an Altezza

17. Until i crashed it :( 

18. iv had 4 cars in my lifetime of driving

19. I have a Full lisense 

20. Im in LOVE with my Sweets

21. We've been together for 1 and a half years

22. im addicted to fb

23. and i can admit it

24. I miss my darling Tomairangi

25. mf can feel wen im sad

26. i like making new friends

27. im pretty bubbly and out there

28. i stick up for my friends

29. i have trust issues

30. im a loveable person

31. i try to be funny, sometime i feel i was ment to be a laufng samoan

32. i miss doing my random road trips

33. loves a clean house but not usually my room haha

34. i miss the beach

35. Gisborne is my paradise 

36. i have two tattoos 

37. i like to make people smile 

38. i like to try most new things

39. i like taking photos

40. arts & crafts are just one of my hobbies

41. I randomly brought a piano

42. reggae is my jam for this summer

43. i have heaps of circles of friends

44. this is getting harder to write things so 50 will do 

45. i am the baby of 3 siblings

46. i love spring

47. because of the beautiful flowers

48. i like to stop and appreciate the little things

49. like the flowers, the smell of them, everything really

50. My godson will be born very soon!! 

myGodson

Here is a picture of my son to be Godson, he should be born any day now!! I am so excited for his arrival. My sweets (Mark) and I have been asked to be his Godparents. We will love you and care for you and give you everything that you may need.

WATCH THIS SPACE

Due date: 2nd October 2013

Dont know where id be without you.

Dear Olea Carmeno Tini-Marie Lloyd & Te Huru tea a Rangi Tawera Tahuri.

I know I tell yous lots that I love you both. But I thought why not write you a blog letter. I want the whole world to know how much of an impact you both have on my life. I have watched you both grow up your whole lives, watched yous go from little babies to little girls to young women. Growing up I tried to be a good example but I was pretty bad at it. Lol. In actual fact you two are more of a good example to me than anyone in our family.

Watching you both grow stronger in the gospel makes me soo happy. And it makes me want to become a better person. It even makes me want to come back to church. And eventually I will. And it will be because of you both.

I love how we can be soo open with each other and how you both tell me everything (well most) and anything. Im glad that you both trust me with your secrets and with your personal lives. Im glad that when I finally have children they will have good big cousin role models to look up to.

And I want you both to know, and I know yous already do know but I am always here no matter what time, where, why and anything I AM HERE !! I will NEVER judge you.

I love all my nieces & nephews and I cant wait til Aryanna, Emma, Cyene and Azrael are older to have the same relationship i have with yous. And that the boys know im here for them too. 

I wish Sloane was closer too so she could experience this with us. But i love her just as much and me and her have been through so many obstacles together in our loves as well.

I just want to take this time to personally thank yous for being true to yourselves and being my good example. Thank yous for telling me the truth and telling me how it is. And for kickn my bum and always on my case about church I really do appreciate it.

Anyway this letter is a bit all over the place but mehh thats me haha. And its 1:22am . Anyway I LOVE YOU BOTH.

Thaanx xoxox

Lifes Lessons #2

Renting!! I have lived in more houses then my age so I know pretty much all about renting. I moved out of home at the age of 18. I firat moved to Palmerston North, NZ. I lived with my cousin and her husband. It wasnt too long when I decided that I want to go flatting. So my two friends and I went house hunting. Within two weeks we had found a house and we moved in. 16a Keeling Street,
West End
Palmerston North. (2006)
6 bedrooms and only 3 of us. The rent was cheap too. Whilest living there we ended up getting more flat mates. In the end we went through more flat mates. The most at one time was 13adults and 2 kids. Living with that many people sure did bring a bit of drama but it also brought life to our house. So thinking the more people the cheaper the rent. NOT! At the time everything was under my name. The power rhe house was under me and my 2 mates but when they left it was put under another 2 friends. By the time we moved out we owed $3,000 in rent. Only 3 of us were actually paying. And $800 in power and our flat account was overdrawn by $400. So I had to pay 1/3 of the rent owing, all of the power because it was in my name and so was the flat account. So I moved with another friend to,
Main street
Palmerston North (cant remember the number)
(2006-2007)
My then flat mate was out getting a taamoko on tbe day we had to move so me and my cousins husband had to move all my things and all her things from Keeling St. We lived there for quite a while. This time everything we split half half. Coz I was not going to put my name on everything again. But all the furniture was mine. We got along ok until the end. This is when I learnt that friends shouldnt live together. So i moved again to another flat with all randoms.
Cook Street
West End
Palmerston North (2007)
I lived with a pakeha, and a chinese. All my furniture went into storage. And we paid for only our rooms directly to the landlord. So if someone missed out on their payment only that person suffered. So I thought this was a good way of flatting. We just split the power between us. Then a Indian woman and her child moved in. I think they were the only flatmates I saw during that time because the other two were like hermits and lived in their rooms. I decided I wanted to stay and so did the pakeha but he didnt get back to our landlord in time so we had to move. By then I had come for a holiday to Hamilton and my friends here were talking about getting a flat, so I told them I would moved to Hamilton with them.
37 Wellington Street
Hamilton East
Hamilton (2007-2008)
Now you would think I learnt the last how many times. So the house was under all 3 of our names and the power was under someone elses name. I lived here for about 6 months before everyone had pretty much moved and stopped payong rent so I had to look for me another house, and yes because they stopped paying rent we got another bill. If I went away I would put my money into my friends bank accounts to pay our rent but instead they spent it without my knowledge. So this time it was going to be just me. Live by myself.
95a Aurora Tce
HIllcrest
Hamilton (2008-2010)
Aahhh living by myself, no one to depend on, no one to make bills. A whole house to do whatever I wanted. I loved it. I was th eonly one responsible for late payments (which they never were). Then I started to get abit lonely. So my friend ask to move in a male friend from my class. He was the first flatmate I had that was good. He paid his rent on time and was hardly home. Thats when my faith in humanity kicked in again. Lol. After a while he moved out and I had a bf so I wasnt so lonely. At this house I was studying fulltime and had 2 part time jobs just to get by. I lived in this house for 1 1/2 years. Then i moved up the driveway to the bigger house at..
95 Aurora Tce
Hillcrest
Hamilton (2010)
Yes the same address minus the 'a'. Here I lived with my now ex and my nephew. I was stil working 2 jobs and studying fulltime. Now I had been flatting for 4 years. The next couple of years I was all over the place. I broke up with my ex then moved with my niece shes older than me and her 2 children.
Beaumont Ave, Hillcrest. Then we moved to Greenfield cres, Western Height. I just paid board now. Whilst there I decided I should move home to Gisborne Te Hau Rd Whatatutu. So i did. I only lasted 2 weeks. So I came back to Hamilton. I stayed with my friend Jess at Cambridge Rd, Hillcrest. I stayed with her until I moved with my other friend Mere Ohaupo Rd, Melville and I paid board there too. Finally another friend and I found us a house and we moved to..
18 Rothesay Place
Dinsdale
Hamilton (2011-2012)
I lived there for about 7months. It was good. This time I made sure I had no ties to the house because she had children and I knew if it came down to it I would move out first. So she had everything under her name. I moved out into a granny flat behind my work mates house.
19a Cleveland St
Melville
Hamilton (2012)
It was a cute little flat I had a room my own shower & toilet and a little kitchenet and a little lounge. Perfect size for me. I just paid board at this place. It was great. But then it was getting abit annoying with working and living with a person so I found me another unit.
13 Baverstock rd
Rotokauri
Hamilton (2012)
It was my own little place. It was a bit dark and it was underneath a bigger house. Then the teenages would have parties and I couldnt put up with it. So then my friend called me that same weekend and asked if id move with her because her flat mate had done her over like my old ones done me at the top of this post. So I knew what she was going through and I knew she wouldnt let that happen again. So I moved to..
43 Gilbass Ave
Hamilton Lake
Hamilton (2012-present)
Everything is under her name, but we all pay half half in everything. It has been so far a good experience. We feel at home and we can deal with issues that arise. I have now lived here for 1 year and I dont plan on moving again for a long while yet.

So the moral of this post is to
- find someone you can live with
- be openly honest with them.
- You need to know how they live and they need to know how you live and just live with it.
- Split bills between each flatmate
- Have a flat account under everyones names
- Make sure everyone has access to that account so they can see where their money is being spent
- Make automatic payments for esch bill to the specified amount so you know its getting paid each week, and if power is more then the specified amount split between everyone.
- Everyone to have turns at the chores i.e
*cooking *dishes *rubbish *cleaning
- Plan meals a week ahead so you know what to buy in your groceries.
- love your flatmates
- have fun
- communicate !! Thats the biggest one.

Good luck, sorry about my long post lol.

Peace & love to yall x

Lifes lessons

Something to think about.

DISHES!! who likes to do dishes?? Not many people especially in my family. So here is my step by step on how to do a good job washing dishes.

Step 1. Put all leftover food into containers or throw them out. And rinse the pots out.

Step 2. Hot soapy water into your sink.

Step 3. Clean the least dirty dishes which is usually glasses and cups.

Step 4. Curtlery next because they go into your mouth when eating so they need the hottest and clean water.

Step 5. The plates then containers and last the pots. If your water is dirty then drain and fill again with hot soapy water.

Step 6. Clean all benches and clear the benches. So its clean. Then clean the oven, so there is no pots and no food on the oven.

If someone is drying the dishes thats good. But if you are living alone, you should dry the dishes after each step. Example after washing the glasses then dry & pack them. And then wash the cutlery then dry & pack them. Then wipe & clear the table. All done.

I hope this helps you and makes your parents more happier haha. Lol

Sweetheart ♥ LOVE

It was a summers day Jan 2012, it was as if the light was shinning on him. I noticed him. I wondered about him. I said to my friend "I wonder how long it will take to get his number?" So the game was on. There was something about him that caught my eye. So that weekend he went to Aus for a weekend. I think I was a little bit worried that he mighten come back. I also wondered if he was already taken or married or something.

So anyway my other friend and I went to the casino for a little play. And who do we see...thats right it was him. We played black jack together and had a good ol yarn and it was cool. My friend & I carried on our night when he left. The next couplue of days he was a my work (the pub) and we talked about how it was a good night and he suggested that we do it again sometime. I dont think he knew what he was in for at the time. So he gave me his number so we could organize another night at the casino.

We started to text each other and I started to like him even more. Not to sure how he was feeling though, never know what goes through males brains sometimes. So we talked and laughed. Then we organized a semi date kinda thing. Watch dvds.

We started to see each other other than at the pub. We even hung out at my friends 21st Feb 2012. We had our first photo together. We started seeing each other for the next 4 months before we decided to take it to the next level and become an item. June 3rd 2012. Official day.

April 2013 we moves in together and have now been together for over a year. I fell in love. Its a love I have never experienced before. I use to have trust issues with males because I had been cheated on more than once. So trust issues I was allowed to have. I trust him more than I trust people I have known for years. We respect each other and each others views but in saying that we share the same views and perspective on life. We let each other go out with our friends and we spend time with each others friends. We share the same family values. Family always comes first before anything else.

I can be me when I am around him. I feel free when I am with him. He was the one who taught me about patience. He has taught me alot.

Still feels like a new relationship even though we have been together for a little while now. I get along with his family very well. When his brother and sister call I even talk to them on the phone too. I feel so comfortable with them.

The reason it never worked out with anyone else is because it wasnt meant to be and they taught we lessons that I have learnt and can apply them to my life now and also teach others to never let a man walk over them.

Life has a funny way of teaching you lessons. Learn to love and learn to trust.

Mark McIntosh my sweets. Thank you for teaching me that I can be loved and I can be happy.

Peace & love x

Our first photo together 'dating'

The day it became 'Official'

My graduation

Our first Christmas

My first time at Waihi Beach

Tux first time in Paradise (Gisborne)

Our lattest pic 

Moooovies x

I have never been a movie person. I would probably go to the movies maybe once or twice a year. But just this year alone I have been to more movies than I probably have in my lifetime.

Every (most) Wednesday my sweets & I go to the movies with his dad. Its their weekly catchup. Its pretty cool and I wish I was closer enough to my parent so I ciuld spend more time with them. Anyway since I've been tagging along I have seen lots of movies. Not including all the movies on dvd and movie chanel on sky.

Just this year I have seen: (in no particular order)

1. Jack the giant slayer
2. Fast 6
3. Hangover 2
4. Snitch
5. Decpicable me 2
6. Wolverine
7. Star trek
8. Pain&gain
9. The Heat
10. Lone Ranger
11. Mt Zion
12. Kick ass 2
13. Red 2
14. We're the Millers

Something random for the day :)

Peace & love x

Pay it forward #2

Yesterday my sweets & I helped his dad with a  golf tornamentat Hukanui Golf Club in Hamilton. It was a fundraiser for the local Food Bank in Ngaruawahia. Mark's dad and work partner organised it as they are both local policemen. They raised over $2,000 that day. It was a good day filled with lots of prizes. Mark played golf and I helped with the sausage sizzle. They had a little mini putt too was pretty neat.

It does feel good to help others out. Especially for those who need it.

Peace out x

Slow down

Once upon a time I use to rush. Always on the go! No patients nothing. Until one day I met this fellow, Mark is his name. He taught me about patiences and that good things come to those who wait. Slow down enjoy the finer things i  life. Iam grateful for this lesson.

"Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly,
when you ask "How are you?", do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.

Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow,
and in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a friendship die,
'cause you never had time to call and say hi?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
it's like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life isn't a race, so take it slower,
hear the music before your song is over."

- David L. Weatherford

Life is so busy in this 21st century that people forget to slow down. Have you ever forgotten what someone looks like? Or what they sound like? Do you remember the last thing they said to you? What was going on around you at that time? Do you remember ??

I have recently started a new job where it has made me realise i need to slow down. Things are at a slower pace there than it was at my old job. It has made me do my job better and made me appreciate the things my boss does and the effort our staff put in. It has made me appreciate my job.

Slowing down has made me feel like my eyes are opened wider and i see things a little differently and clearer. Made me realize that i need to appreciate every little detail. Life is not a race. So...

Next time you are talking to family or friends, look at them, remember what they look like, what their facials are like. Remember it. Listen to them, what do they sound like? What are they saying? Remember it. You never know when you will ever see them again.

Next time you listen to music or listen to nature or the environment you are in. What are the beats? what is the rythem? What are the lyrics?
Next time you are walking somewhere, wonder what made you walk that way, think about how many people have walked that exact same path.

Next time you are looking around, is it beautiful? Is it ugly? Remember it. Next time you smell something nice, is it flowers? Is it food? Is it the smog from cars? Is it fresh country air? Appreciate it.

Next time you eat something, remember the taste & the texture you never know what you can remember by the taste of something.

Just stop! Slow down enjoy life, appreciate the little things in life. Make them count. If you are feeling sad slow down and think about all the things you have that makes you happy. Slow down and get to know someone you never know they might be your next best friend. Listen to your friends and their problems. But overall have faith & trust. Slow down and trust in our Heavenly Fathers work. Appreciate the effort he put into creating our world as we know it. Trust that he knows your path and has a plan for you, you just remember to slow down and take note.

That is all for now. Peace love happiness faith & trust to you x

P.s this is my second attempt to write this blog as i didnt slow down and make sure it was saved. Lol

A letter to my godson

Dear Marky,

I am so grateful to be given the opportunity to be your godmother and uncle Tux your godfather. I have never been a godmother before and I havent really believed in them because its not common in my family, but because your dad asked me I feel privileged to be. So because iv never been one or even have one of my own this is my promise to you. I will treat you almost like my own i will growl you if you are naughty but i will spoil you every other time but i will definitely love you as if you were mine.
I promise to care for you when and provide for you when you need. I will teach you the good things in life and make sure you are given every opportunity that life has to offer. And when I eventually have children of my own they will be your siblings too.
I cant wait to hold you and cuddle you and watch you sleep, laugh, cry and all. I will be proud of you and hope you all the best in life. Remember I am always here.

Love always
Aunty Jo aka your godmumah x

MONDAY ♥ My day of the week

F.H.E - Family home evening. Monday's skype session is deff my favorite day of the week. Seeing my family gathered together makes me home sick but happy to see them creating memories. Being inactive in the church making a skype to my family to be in on FHE makes me miss the gospel even more. I really do want to make my way back but it is pretty hard once youv been away for awhile. I am going to try my hardest to make an effort. And by participating in FHE helps me and gives me a spiritual boost for the week. I love my family and know that families can be together forever.

X love my family and appreciate every single person in my family for everything they do for me. X

Thank you for making my week and giving me the energy to carry on for the week.

"I have a family here on earth, they are so good to me, I want to share my life with them for all eternity" ♥♡♥